


seventh circle of heck

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Swearing, i made seungmin/woojin a thing, lowkey seungmin/woojin but idk if theyre gonna be a Thing or just There, set in real life lmao, sometimes they use honorifics sometimes they dont im not consistent, texting au, unscheduled & sporadic updates, who knows? not me!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-09 22:59:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13491600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: wee woo:things are heating up in the changlix fandom.. im here for this tea#1 my day:if their relationship falls apart ill eat my shoe-





	1. welcome children

**Author's Note:**

> chan — channie  
> minho — mom  
> woojin — wee woo  
> changbin — i love dark  
> felix — felix the cat  
> jeongin — baby  
> hyunjin — (screaming)  
> seungmin — bun  
> jisung — #1 my day
> 
> these names can (& probably will) change as we go along! also if i abandon this after chapter 1 then Whoops

[ _channie_ added _mom_ , _weewoo_ , _felix_ _the_ _cat_ , _i_ _love_ _dark_ , _baby_ , _(screaming)_ , _bun_ , and _#1_ _my_ _day_ to the chat]

[ _channie_ named the chat _strAYY kids_ ]

 **channie:** welcome children

 **i love dark:** why do i feel like i just entered the 7th circle of hell

 **channie:** rude  >:0

 **i love dark:** 7th circle of heck sorry

 **channie:** thats not any better

 **felix the cat:** this gc has existed for literally 30 seconds and changbin hyung already fucked up i love this song

 **i love dark:** why am i unloved

 **mom:** i love u son

 **i love dark:** ur the only one

 **baby:** hyung i love u

 **i love dark:** i am Suddenly :’) aaaAaaAAA

 **felix the cat:** dork

 **i love dark:** say that again loser

 **felix the cat:** d o r k

 **wee woo:** things are heating up in the changlix fandom.. im here for this tea

 **#1 my day:** if their relationship falls apart ill eat my shoe-

 **(screaming):** i heard tea??

 **channie:** i put my phone down for 1 second—  
**channie:** can yall Chill

 **wee woo:** no

 **#1 my day:** no

 **i love dark:** no

 **felix the cat:** no

 **(screaming):** no

 **channie:** i should have debuted with twice

 **bun:** what the heck

 

—

 

[ _strAYY kids_ ; _04:21_ ]

 

[ _channie_ changed _felix the cat_ ’s name to _m8_ ]

 **m8:** gday fellow blazers

 **channie:** we missed 4:20

 **m8:** FUCK

[ _channie_ changed _m8_ ’s name to _felix the cat_ ]

 **channie:** ok now go to sleep u child

 **felix the cat:** the things i SACRIFICE for my humour. sleep. santitty. HEALTH.

 **channie:** g o t o s l e e p

 

—

 

[ _strAYY kids_ ; _07:36_ ]

 

 **(screaming):** the fuck-

 **baby:** after seen this i have concluded that i am the only pure one in this gc

 **wee woo:** incorrect seungmin exists

 **baby:** im purer than seungmin hyung where have u been living  
**baby:** he has NOTHIGN on me

 **bun:** why am i being slandered behind my back that’s rude :(

 **baby:** it wasnt me my dog took my phone

 **wee woo:** u dont have a dog

**baby:**

****

[ _wee woo_ changed _baby_ ’s name to _seungmin anti_ ]

 **seungmin anti:** IM NOT A SEUNGMIN ANTI  
**seungmin anti:** I BREATHED

 **bun:** you slandered me

 **wee woo:** nobody talks shit abt seungmin and gets away w it!

 **seungmin anti:** I DIDNT ! THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING

 **wee woo:** u said he wasnt pure which is basically slander

 **seungmin anti:** if i take it back will u show mercy

[ _bun_ changed _seungmin anti_ ’s name to _baby_ ]

 **baby:** THANK U JESUS

 **bun:** i pitied you.

 **wee woo:** the single period SHDFHSD u done Messed Up™ 

 **baby:** im sorry jesus sunbaenim

 

—

 

[ _strAYY kids_ ; 8:21]

 

 **felix the cat:** I CANT BELIEVE THERE WAS DRAMA AND I MISSED IT  
**felix the cat:** tbh its ok who needs tea when u got a whole changbin

 **i love dark:** i cant believe im worth more than tea :’)  
**i love dark:** ive never received this high of a compliment wow jyp who i only know a felix lee!

 **felix the cat:** ily  <3

 **i love dark:** i suddenly cant read


	2. tell felix that you love him dipshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **i love dark:** imagine not thinking felix lee is the worlds #1 human. cant fuckin relate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have never written a followup chapter this fast i hope yall like it :'0

[ _strAYY kids_ ; 12:46]

 

 **felix the cat:** seo changbin is skinny fuck blue lives

 **i love dark:** pls-

 **(screaming):** thats true love right there

 **bun:** why don’t i get cute texts like this

 **wee woo:** [sweats nervously]

 **bun:** my own bf… doesn’t love me…

 **wee woo:** i love u dont-

 **#1 my day:** fight fight fight

 **mom:** no dont fight if we fight jyp will eliminate me again and then i cant see yall

 **#1 my day:** dont fight kiss and make up IMMEDIATELY

 **wee woo:** mwah saragne~

 **bun:** i will not hesitate to break up with you

 **wee woo:** thats not what u said last night :)

 **#1 my day:** what the fuck-

 **wee woo:** we SNUGGLED u DIRTY FUCK

 **bun:** you’re right it was very soft

 **wee woo:** damn rite it was soft  
**wee woo:** fuck yeah

 **bun:** :’)

[ _bun_ changed _wee woo_ ’s name to _soft man_ ] 

 **(screaming):** this is cute and all but where tf did changbin  & felix go they were here for like .2 seconds

 **channie:** theyre making out on the couch  
**channie:** i dndt need to see that but if i had to know so do yall

 **soft man:** my sons? doing something other than flirting six feet apart from each other?? finally!!!

 **channie:** shut the fuck up woojin

 

—

 

[ _matryosika bitch_ ; 15:57]

 

 **i love dark:** help i Love my Boyfriend

 **channie:** how pure,, 

 **#1 my day:** u say this like its a bad thing mr emo

 **i love dark:** first of all @ jisung ur a headass  
**i love dark:** second of all noi mean like. Wow i Love Him  
**i love dark:** imagine not thinking felix lee is the worlds #1 human. cant fuckin relate 

[ _channie_ changed _i love dark_ ’s name to _i love felix_ ]

 **i love felix:** i cant find it in me to be mad abt this. someone help i think im goign insane

 **#1 my day:** yeah r u sure ur head is ok did u hit it against anythign??¿  
**#1 my day:** maybe ur possessed!1!

 **i love felix:** im being mocked i feel hurt betrayed  & offended. fuck u

 **#1 my day:** nvm ur fine

 **channie:** [yelling softly from the sidelines] tell felix that you love him dipshit

**#1 my day:**

**i love felix:** why are yall the epitome of the “im gonna give the gays everythig they want” meme

[ _channie_ changed the chat name to _giving the gays everything they want_ ]

 **#1 my day:** why do i not have everything i want then  
**#1 my day:** chan can u get me some Minho Smooches™

 **channie:** no

 **#1 my day:**  

**i love felix:** ur a mess jisung we cant help u

 

—

 

[ _double o bitch_ ; 16:13]

 

 **#1 my day:** help me im being slandered

 **(screaming):** can i have context

**#1 my day:**

****

**felix the cat:** CHANGBINS NAME I LOVE HIM

 **#1 my day:** shut up im being attacked have Pity  
**#1 my day:** u can be soft over ur boyfriend later

 **(screaming):** Minho Smooches™ SHSHFJDJF

 **bun:** wait u like minho-

 **#1 my day:** yes keep up

 **#1 my day:** anyway i need yalls help i an beign: Slandered

 **felix the cat:**  

****

**#1 my day:** i have never felt this betrayed

 **(screaming):** jesus is shaking

 **bun:** hahahahdb

 **#1 my day:** do u only laugh at hyunjins jokes

 **bun:** yes

 **(screaming):** love u

 **bun:** i have a bf

 **(screaming):** congrats

 **#1 my day:** my problems ? ignored.

[ _(screaming)_ changed _#1 my day_ ’s name to _saltsung_ ]

 **saltsung:** i hate u all

 **bun:** even me ??

 **saltsung:** i hate felix & hyunjin

 **bun:** ♡

 

—

 

[ _strAYY kids_ ; 18:25]

 

 **i love felix:** if yall see felix crouched on the floor in the bathroom just keep walking nothing to see here

 **mom:** that makes it seem like theres a lot to see here

 **i love felix:** k e e p w a l k i n g

 **saltsung:** yo what the fuck  
**saltsung:** YOU CNAT HAVE THAT IN THE APARTMENT U FUCKS  
**saltsung:** changbin did ur dumbass allow this

 **i love felix:** kindly shut the fuck up thank You

 **saltsung:** im p sure this is against regulations for this building

 **i love felix:** again : kindly shut the fuck up

 **mom:** the fuck is in there  
**mom:** did i just hear a noise  
**mom:** AW WE HAVE TO PROTECT  & KEEP IT

 **channie:** keep what

 **mom:** NOTHING

 **channie:** im omw

 **mom:** uhh pick up milk

 **channie:** ur kidding,

 **i love felix:** can confirm we are out of milk please go get some take your time

 **channie:** i hate u all

 **i love felix:** love u too

 **mom:** love you too

 

—

 

[ _mom_ added _i love felix_ , _saltsung_ , and _felix the cat_ to the chat]

 

[ _mom_ named the chat _kitter protection squad_ ]

 

 **mom:** I CANT BELIEVE YALL GOT A CAT  
**mom:** WHERE DID YALL EVEN FIND A CAT

 **i love felix:** uh.therre was a box  
**i love felix:** outside

 **mom:** it could have fleas u silly child

 **i love felix:** felix is givign it a bath though

 **saltsung:** im interjecting to say that yall are dumb as FUCC chan hyungs gonna find out when he gets home anyway  
**saltsung:** except u minho . i mean changbin and felix are dumb ,. yes.

 **i love felix:** cough whipped cough

 **saltsung:** shut the fuck up

 **mom:** what-  
**mom:** anyway we can keep it for 20 minutes but then we’re going to a shelter

 **i love felix:** but :( kitty

 **mom:** i love the kitter too but we gotta ,

 **i love felix:** :(((((((((((((

 **mom:** your virtual pouting cannot work on me ! i am a strong adult

 **i love felix:** sigh

 **felix the cat:** THE CAT IS SO CUTE IT LET ME GIVE IT A BATH AND IT DIDNT EVEN SCRATCH ME  
**felix the cat:** I NAMED IT BUBBLES  
**felix the cat:** i just read the chat back andi  have never felt more betrayed. what the fucc

 **mom:** :( im sorry child

 

—

 

[ _strAYY kids_ ; 18:59]

 

 **channie:** WHY DID MINHO JUST LEAVE CRADLING A CAT

 **i love felix:** we just lost a beloved family member

 **saltsung:** fo r the record i did not approve


	3. go get ur mans dumbass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **i love felix:** doki doki literature club makes me want to DIE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long i just have school & i wanna die :( this is also really short im sorry children dont drop me

[ _strAYY kids_ ; 20:23]

 

 **saltsung:** hello losers

 **bun:** omg right when u texted my phone started playing big time rush

 **saltsung:** wHEEZEHSDHF  
**saltsung:** which song though  
**saltsung:** o hoh ooooooh

 **bun:** the theme i cant breahte-

 **saltsung:** my day is suddenly blessed thank u big time rush sunbaenims

 **baby:** not to interrupt but what if i ran away to another country and became a spy  
**baby:** that would be cool

 **mom:** no thats dangerous

[ _baby_ changed _baby_ ’s name to _mr spy man_ ]

 **bun:** ^  
**bun:** jeongin no-

 **mr spy man:** its ok i cant anyway bc i told u  
**mr spy man:** i would never do that but like  
**mr spy man:** what if

 **saltsung:** omg could i tell ppl i had a friend who was a spy

 **mr spy man:** no

 **saltsung:** oh  
**saltsung:** thats lame then

 

—

 

[ _strAYY kids_ ; 02:16]

 

 **i love felix:** doki doki literature club makes me want to DIE

 **soft man:** why  
**soft man:** isnt it just about creepy anime girls

 **i love felix:** its creepy  
**i love felix:** and the music gets all fucked up-  
**i love felix:** oh n  uo  
**i love felix:** yuri n o-

 **soft man:** ha thats gay

 **i love felix:** no she GLITCHED and most of her body DISAPPEARED

 **soft man:** oh thats not gay thats just lame

 **felix the cat:** changbin got scared and woke me up ,, this lame-ass hyung lmaoo

 **soft man:** i heard felix say “ur not even playing the game stinky let me sleep” and changbin just hissed “ITS FUCKING SCARY U HEARTLESS PRICK” i cant brea thte-  
**soft man:** im sorry that u room w them @ jisung u are in my thoughts  & prayers

 

—

 

[ _double o bitch_ ; 09:02]

 

 **(screaming):** hello LOSERS

 **saltsung:** whats up man i havnet slept in hours bc changbin  & felix are LOUD as FUCK

 **felix the cat:** u do realise im in this gc

 **saltsung:** dont u have somewhere to be

 **felix the cat:** ??

 **saltsung:** idk with CHANGBIN where u CANT BOTHER ME FOR ONCE

 **(screaming):** what have i started

 **felix the cat:** im so lost

 **saltsung:** how are u lost i literally just explaine d everything

 **felix the cat:** how did we even wake u up we hardly did anything  
**felix the cat:** i literally made changbin close the laptop and go to sleep  
**felix the cat:** but i slept great thanks for asking

 **saltsung:** then WHOMST tf was making all tha t damn noise last night

 **felix the cat:** idk ask the big gc

 

—

 

[ _strAYY kids_ ; 09:09]

 

 **saltsung:** whomst the FUCC made all that damn noise last night  & kept me the FUCC up

 **mom:** oh sorry were we too loud

 **saltsung:** we,,,,,,,,

 **mom:** chan  & i  
**mom:** we were playing mario kart and got carried away

 **saltsung:** carried away,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 **mom:** i threw the controller at his head bc he kept ejecting the game

 **saltsung:** oh . Okay

 **felix the cat:** ok time to do damage control

 

—

 

[ _saltsung_ to _felix the cat_ ; 09:16]

 

 **saltsung:** theyre not fucking right

 **felix the cat:** ofc not theyre like. best friends

 **saltsung:** yeah so ??? u and changbin are best friends

 **felix the cat:** thts different  
**felix the cat:** minho doesnt even like chan like that

 **saltsung:** Oh Worm?  
**saltsung:** do u know who he likes thuogh

 **felix the cat:** no  
**felix the cat:** tis …. yuor Quest. to Discover it

 **saltsung:** and so ………. i embark  
**saltsung:** you do know this can and will end one of two ways right

 **felix the cat:** i am fully aware, go get ur mans dumbass


End file.
